silentwolf
02-21-2005, 08:38 AM
Last night, I had the pleasure of eating 6 grams wet P. Cubensis and 4 grams of syrian rue seeds. I did this as part of a Communion ritual I have outlined in my book, but it turned out to be way more intense than I expected.
I must admit I've never combined the two before; last night I had planned on drinking a small bit of hoasca after a reasonable time had passed and I was having little to no effect from the shrooms. The M. Hostilis tea I had made was disgusting; I used too much lemon in it. I don't handle sour things that well, and I knew if I actually swallowed the tea I would be vomiting up that taste for the rest of the night. I can handle the taste of chicken manure fertilized root bark, but the taste of concentrated lemons is worse than bile to me.
After discovering the horridity of the tea, I consumed three more mushrooms...and waited. It started out easily enough; I knew when it was going into me because, like with the San Pedro tea, I could see it flowing from my stomach and permeating my brain. That's a first time for that with anything other than my precious cacti. The body feelings set in, numbness in my gums and the roots of my teeth, relaxation in my muscles with a need to move about. I knew it was going to get more intense, so I told my wife if she wanted her pound-pound, she had to get off of the computer and get it now before it's too late.
I couldn't focus on her while we were having sex. My eyes kept rolling back into my head, and every time they did, I began having intense visions. Each scene that played out before me showed me another aspect of my consciousness that I was previously unable to view...another insight in my perception of myself and my personal paradigm. It was quite strange...every time I would open my eyes and look down at my wife, I would see a different woman entirely. It was as though when my eyes were open I was making love to a thousand women at once, and when my eyes rolled back and closed, another piece of me was illuminated.
When we were finished, I collapsed...all I could do was lay there. When I stood up, I felt myself being pulled backwards, off balance to the South. My arms were limp, and with my eyes open, I was seeing some of the strangest things I have ever beheld.
I've seen lots of "acid posters" in shops. I've taken lots, and lots of acid, but I never saw anything like what was on those posters. Last night, I did. It was strange...the air was thick, with all imaginable colors contorting and forming different shapes. Yet, I could still see clearly. In fact, my vision seemed pristine. I laid back on the bed and tried to describe to my wife what I was seeing, but the only analogy I could think up to be accurate with it was the way colors flow across an oil puddle on the ground.
She finally went to sleep, so I got up to smoke a bit of tobacco and check my email. The smoke was unsatisfying, and I thought about how hazardous my usual habit of simply breaking off the cherry and throwing it out the door possibly could be. I didn't worry about it last night; it had been raining all day and still was.
When I sat down at the computer, I saw something that made me smile...just the simple word "Love," in reference to myself. It made me feel really content to know that I was making a positive impact on others around me. The light from the screen hurt, and the letters kept shooting across it, even though I had no problem with my vision. I turned it off and sat in the darkness for a bit, and my eyes started rolling back in my head again, transporting me to another world.
I can only remember bits and pieces of what I saw, but at the end of each vision was a message for me, something to help me with my self-perception.
One of the things I remember seeing was extremely obese people plasted against the walls as though by intense gravity, and as their bodies smeared it became ice cream, chocolate pudding, cakes, and candy corn. I knew why I saw that one immediately; I have always been a bit pudgy and I view myself as being fat. I am overweight; I weigh 250 and I'm 6'2". I shouldn't be over 195, but exercise has been really hard for me since I hurt my shoulder. It just seems like everything puts me into excruciating pain...so I ended up gaining 30 pounds. At the end of that scene, I realized why I saw that, and how to correct it...only eat if you're actually hungry. That's my problem; I don't wait for the hunger pangs. I treat it like recreation, and that's unjust to those whom I devour.
I found myself pretty much unable to manipulate energy last night during this experience. As I told my wife, "I'm quite inebriated." I did keep seeing eyes in the air when I tried to form balls and vortexes, however...and following them I saw people observing me. I know who those people are; they are the voices I hear and have heard for years that comment on my actions. They were doing the same as they always do, but I could actually see them at that point.
Whether or not they are merely fragments of my mind, I don't know, but I do know that they are not active parts of my Will. I do not let their words encourage or discourage me. They do not talk to me anyways, only about to me amongst themselves. One of their favorite words is "shame." It makes me curious, but I leave it alone. My energies and effort are needed elsewhere.
I drifted into another vision...it was my uncle telling me to wake up, pull myself out of it, it's all a lie. I told him that I know it's all a lie, but I'm powerless to pull out of it, and all I can do is work with it at this point in time. My whole perception of things, this whole Material existence, it's all bogus. It's not right, it's a fantasy, a crude construct designed to entrap and entangle you so you can't escape from it...but where is there to escape to? Why are we entrapped?
I found the ultimate question last night, the one that most people ask but don't realize they ask it. It's not "Who am I?" or "What's the meaning of Life?" The question is, "Why am I afraid of death?" Death is the "Exit stage left," or so it seems. It is the only way out of the lie...it must be, or else this lie would not have formed a defiance of death, and generated a great fear for it.
Ultimately, I don't know. I really don't know anything. It's all muddled and confused, and the way we live right now is bullshit. I should be tending fields or sleeping in a forest wrapped up in skins under a tree...but I can't. Our captors just won't allow that kind of freedom.
I must admit I've never combined the two before; last night I had planned on drinking a small bit of hoasca after a reasonable time had passed and I was having little to no effect from the shrooms. The M. Hostilis tea I had made was disgusting; I used too much lemon in it. I don't handle sour things that well, and I knew if I actually swallowed the tea I would be vomiting up that taste for the rest of the night. I can handle the taste of chicken manure fertilized root bark, but the taste of concentrated lemons is worse than bile to me.
After discovering the horridity of the tea, I consumed three more mushrooms...and waited. It started out easily enough; I knew when it was going into me because, like with the San Pedro tea, I could see it flowing from my stomach and permeating my brain. That's a first time for that with anything other than my precious cacti. The body feelings set in, numbness in my gums and the roots of my teeth, relaxation in my muscles with a need to move about. I knew it was going to get more intense, so I told my wife if she wanted her pound-pound, she had to get off of the computer and get it now before it's too late.
I couldn't focus on her while we were having sex. My eyes kept rolling back into my head, and every time they did, I began having intense visions. Each scene that played out before me showed me another aspect of my consciousness that I was previously unable to view...another insight in my perception of myself and my personal paradigm. It was quite strange...every time I would open my eyes and look down at my wife, I would see a different woman entirely. It was as though when my eyes were open I was making love to a thousand women at once, and when my eyes rolled back and closed, another piece of me was illuminated.
When we were finished, I collapsed...all I could do was lay there. When I stood up, I felt myself being pulled backwards, off balance to the South. My arms were limp, and with my eyes open, I was seeing some of the strangest things I have ever beheld.
I've seen lots of "acid posters" in shops. I've taken lots, and lots of acid, but I never saw anything like what was on those posters. Last night, I did. It was strange...the air was thick, with all imaginable colors contorting and forming different shapes. Yet, I could still see clearly. In fact, my vision seemed pristine. I laid back on the bed and tried to describe to my wife what I was seeing, but the only analogy I could think up to be accurate with it was the way colors flow across an oil puddle on the ground.
She finally went to sleep, so I got up to smoke a bit of tobacco and check my email. The smoke was unsatisfying, and I thought about how hazardous my usual habit of simply breaking off the cherry and throwing it out the door possibly could be. I didn't worry about it last night; it had been raining all day and still was.
When I sat down at the computer, I saw something that made me smile...just the simple word "Love," in reference to myself. It made me feel really content to know that I was making a positive impact on others around me. The light from the screen hurt, and the letters kept shooting across it, even though I had no problem with my vision. I turned it off and sat in the darkness for a bit, and my eyes started rolling back in my head again, transporting me to another world.
I can only remember bits and pieces of what I saw, but at the end of each vision was a message for me, something to help me with my self-perception.
One of the things I remember seeing was extremely obese people plasted against the walls as though by intense gravity, and as their bodies smeared it became ice cream, chocolate pudding, cakes, and candy corn. I knew why I saw that one immediately; I have always been a bit pudgy and I view myself as being fat. I am overweight; I weigh 250 and I'm 6'2". I shouldn't be over 195, but exercise has been really hard for me since I hurt my shoulder. It just seems like everything puts me into excruciating pain...so I ended up gaining 30 pounds. At the end of that scene, I realized why I saw that, and how to correct it...only eat if you're actually hungry. That's my problem; I don't wait for the hunger pangs. I treat it like recreation, and that's unjust to those whom I devour.
I found myself pretty much unable to manipulate energy last night during this experience. As I told my wife, "I'm quite inebriated." I did keep seeing eyes in the air when I tried to form balls and vortexes, however...and following them I saw people observing me. I know who those people are; they are the voices I hear and have heard for years that comment on my actions. They were doing the same as they always do, but I could actually see them at that point.
Whether or not they are merely fragments of my mind, I don't know, but I do know that they are not active parts of my Will. I do not let their words encourage or discourage me. They do not talk to me anyways, only about to me amongst themselves. One of their favorite words is "shame." It makes me curious, but I leave it alone. My energies and effort are needed elsewhere.
I drifted into another vision...it was my uncle telling me to wake up, pull myself out of it, it's all a lie. I told him that I know it's all a lie, but I'm powerless to pull out of it, and all I can do is work with it at this point in time. My whole perception of things, this whole Material existence, it's all bogus. It's not right, it's a fantasy, a crude construct designed to entrap and entangle you so you can't escape from it...but where is there to escape to? Why are we entrapped?
I found the ultimate question last night, the one that most people ask but don't realize they ask it. It's not "Who am I?" or "What's the meaning of Life?" The question is, "Why am I afraid of death?" Death is the "Exit stage left," or so it seems. It is the only way out of the lie...it must be, or else this lie would not have formed a defiance of death, and generated a great fear for it.
Ultimately, I don't know. I really don't know anything. It's all muddled and confused, and the way we live right now is bullshit. I should be tending fields or sleeping in a forest wrapped up in skins under a tree...but I can't. Our captors just won't allow that kind of freedom.