Seeking wiser council in matters I cannot yet understand.

[Psilocybinaut]

Recently I recieved a vision under the influence of pure psilocybin. While tripping I became intensely nauseated, and went to the bathroom to purge my stomach of its contents, an all-too-familiar scenario. No big deal. So, the thing is, while I was in the bathroom, I most definitely was not in the bathroom. The vision which came to me was white and fuzzy, but it was mostly clear. I was suddently standing atop a small pyramid in the middle of what seemed like an amazonian jungle. A face appeared at the top of the pyramid, and began to scold me in a very serious manner. It was the face of an old mexican man with a feathered headdress. I'd read about the visionary experience before, but I'd never encountered anything of this caliber before, so I was not able to freely converse with this entity. He told me that he was ashamed of white people, and that god had forsaken me long ago. Following this, a strange tentacle arm split open my chest and my organs were spilled before him as I gasped for breath. I was told that my very way of life is destroying the earth, and that if I did not resist it with all of my power, I was considered responsible. I began to cry and beg for forgiveness. Eventually, the entity said something like "You know what to do" and my innards were suddenly sucked back into my body and I was back in the bathroom.

I love this planet, and I refuse to be responsible for it's death. I'd rather die in defiance of those who choose to defile the earth, rather than condone it by being passive. I've been really depressed since this vision (It was a few months ago, and I've actually considered suicide as a way to seperate myself from the Corporate destruction of that which gave me life.) Does anyone wiser than me have an experience like this? How am I supposed to integrate that experience into my life, and continue living, knowing that people like me are a godless cancer on this planet? Help?

[nanouk]

BANG! that hit you then...well what do you think yourself?

was the message clear enough? smile.gif

you are not evil in any way,

the entity won't haunt you if you listen,

and all will be hunky dory ;)
or?

love and respect,
~N.

[nanouk]

you must understand that pure psilocybin is not a toy...especially if you are depressed, and/or alone. i have never tried it but i can imagine it being a headfuk, i don't even like MDMA anymore!

[Lowlight]

I face similar questions. i find a tension in how i live that i try to iron out as best i can. Our culture is so stained, so guilty that i feel nothing less than a war against 'man' is now needed. 'man' must be replaced with the new humanity, the future human of compassion, inclusivness and community.

Suicide is not an option. we die soon enough as it is. To live for the earth and even die in the process of raising awarness and protecting Her IS holy. Why not put your energy into working with the earth and showing the plant divinities that the white man is not yet lost completely.

no surrender.

[ January 24, 2005, 01:18 AM: Message edited by: Lowlight ]

[Isaiah Mpski]

What happened to all the Indians white man.

Mpski,2005

[silentwolf]

Just do what you can to make it right, dude. One drop of water changes the entire ocean, but only by becoming one with it.

[Psilocybinaut]

Thanks guys.

(Note: I dont regard pure psilocybin as a toy = p )

[Lowlight]

just realised that i wrote 'your culture is so stained' rather than 'our culture is so stained' ! i have edited it now. im from the same culture - wasnt trying to point the blame at you, rather all of us in the West!

[nanouk]

all i meant was, smile.gif hopefully without sounding like a preacher,
if one is feeling depressed, guilt ridden and generally 'disharmonized, i believe entheogens, and particularily synthetic such, can worsen the inner tumult, rather than working positively, unfortunately one of our BOTH peers, as you know, committed suicide just before christmas, because he felt he could not handle the state of our world.

i hope you feel you can take it easy for a while, and drink a couple of glasses of wine and smoke a few joints to chill out instead, i personally find it very difficult to 'switch off' my brain at the present, so do this myself.
please don't think of suicide, what good is THAT going to do? you would leave more people feeling a h**l of a lot guiltier, than you do yourself right now...besides, life is too precious to waste ;)

i am sure anyone here, would be more than happy to communicate on a more private level with you, ie PM's or e-mails, if you want advice and support, so do not hesitate smile.gif

love and respect,
~N.

[Isaiah Mpski]

Nanouk,
Perhaps I misunderstood the intensity of the comments as you perceived them.
I,as much as anyone understand the selfishness of suicide.
I always tell people that if they commit suicide before their body wears out they will probably come back as an abortion.And who would want to live throughout time like that?
Mpski,2005.

[ January 24, 2005, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: Isaiah Mpski ]

[gone]

Such is the clement nature of our Lord Mpski.

[Isaiah Mpski]

Gelfer,
If you had any reasoning ability at all the next logical step to my statement would be to stop the murderous practice of the art of unreasonable abortion.
Don't delute yourself into thinking that unreasonable suicide and unreasonable abortion are not selfish acts.
I am very busy at the moment or I would give you a little deeper insight to the migration of the soul and what one finds on the other side but make no doubt about it,those who die "natural" deaths shun those who don't.
Mpski 2005

[silentwolf]

Suicide is just one way of dodging lessons you had previously set up for yourself. Before entering this Material Manifestation, you worked with all others in this life to set up lesson plans for yourself. These lessons are designed to affect your "Emotional Temper," or the way you respond to waves of force which strike you. Committing suicide is neither a good nor bad act; it is simply a way out of the pain brought about by blocking yourself from these lessons you have instituted for yourself. The key to understanding these lessons is to allow yourself to feel the pain brought about by them, and understand why it hurt you and why you would want to refuse to allow yourself to feel pain. Compassion is the ability to feel the suffering of all things. If you cannot allow yourself to feel your own sufferings, you cannot expect to feel the sufferings of others.
It is also my firm belief that you will relive this life until you resolve all the lessons you have established for yourself. I have come to believe this because every time I reach a point where I did not learn in my last time with this life, I experience severe deja vu, and by working with it, I was able to review the choices I had previously made at that point with this life. If you cannot stand the pain anymore, suicide is an option, but keep in mind that if you bear with it and absolve that pain through understanding, you will not have to relive it. If you do decide to "hit the reset button" on this life, be prepared to relive it until you do understand it.

[nanouk]

every time I reach a point where I did not learn in my last time with this life, I experience severe deja vu, and by working with it, I was able to review the choices I had previously made at that point with this life. If you cannot stand the pain anymore, suicide is an option, but keep in mind that if you bear with it and absolve that pain through understanding, you will not have to relive it. If you do decide to "hit the reset button" on this life, be prepared to relive it until you do understand it.

*snap*

stalking one's self...it is satisfying, but painful, and sometimes one needs a kick up the backside from the stars...and most of all, a little confidence in the self as a strong 'being', and that confidence comes from learning, and growing...

growing the soul is like growing a tree, if the boots are restraining your roots and the earth depleted of water or nutrients, how can you thrive?
but let the leaves fall where they please, and give yourself more room to grow, and your spirit shall honour your soul with it's presence. every time we then lose our spirit, or faith, we know the way back, it is becoming more familiar every time...

although occasionally we have a hurricane, and trees will have to re-root themselves by sticking their branches in the ground, or scatter seed to regenerate, but no less, spirit is still there, scarred, weakened, but a great warrior spirit to live many more years, with a little tlc ;)

love and respect,
~N.

[gone]

Isaiah, what concerns me is not so much your Messianic habit, but the flavour of it. You are caught in some kind of Old Testament or Evangelical Saviour mode, manifesting itself in wrath, polarity and demanding of unreasoned faith rather than compassion, unity and exploration. As a matter of note you are one of the most bitter, angry and verbally inappropriate people on this board, so forgive me (despite this not being in your nature) if I am inclined to reject much of what you say out of hand.

[dragonfly]

Originally posted by Isaiah Mpski:
Don't delute yourself into thinking that unreasonable suicide and unreasonable abortion are not selfish acts.On a planet overburdened by too many humans, unreasonable childbirth is the real selfish act.

[silentwolf]

Originally posted by gelfer:
Isaiah, what concerns me is not so much your Messianic habit, but the flavour of it. You are caught in some kind of Old Testament or Evangelical Saviour mode, manifesting itself in wrath, polarity and demanding of unreasoned faith rather than compassion, unity and exploration. As a matter of note you are one of the most bitter, angry and verbally inappropriate people on this board, so forgive me (despite this not being in your nature) if I am inclined to reject much of what you say out of hand.Feel his pain and you'll see the source, rather than just the symptoms.

[gone]

I feel his inner pain; it's the pain he's causing others that I object to.

[silentwolf]

I can relate to that.

[Isaiah Mpski]

Wide is the path and the gate to destruction.
Narrow is the path and the gate to everlasting life.
As a graduate of medical school,and having served as president of my medical school class for three years I am quite aware and knowledgeable of the types of people who choose to become abortionists.They basically are psychologicaly sick,selfish,woman-child hating individuals.
Abortion is a mistake in the majority of the cases in which it is performed and it is a selfish act on one side and an act of greed on the other.
I am also a survivor of a suicide in my family.It is something I have never gotten over and tell you truthfully unless it is done as an act of mercy in the waning days of one's life it is a selfish painful act.
Yes I am a Messianic figure.I came to tell you the truth.Whether you choose to believe is your choice but I tell you the truth.

[silentwolf]

What is the truth, Isaiah?

[Isaiah Mpski]

I tell you the truth.

[silentwolf]

You've confused me; I'm not certain what this truth is of which you speak. You claim to be a messiah. From what and how do you intend to liberate us, and from whence does your authority to claim and do such originate? Please be as descriptive as possible.

[nanouk]

which brings us back to freedom of choice....i do not agree that abortion and suicide go hand in hand.
even women/girls who use s.k. safe contraceptives fall pregnant every day, contraceptives are 99% safe. i do not think a couple should stand without a choice.

[Isaiah Mpski]

Wolf,
You really misunderstand me.I'm not here to convince you or save you from anything.I'm here to finish the job that so many before me started.
You have free will.You experience and then choose how you want to live your life and that is why I say wide is the gate and the path that leads to destruction.I can only tell you what I've learned along my journey and what my Father has revealed to me from others who came before me.
In my own life,my favorite wife has had several abortions.I ask her not to have them but she did anyway.Only time will tell if that was a personal mistake for her.
God is not a respector of persons.That is he has favorites but He has allowed us free will so that our soul will carry within itself intuition that tells us right from wrong.

[ January 26, 2005, 02:09 AM: Message edited by: Isaiah Mpski ]

[Rob P]

ISAIAH~

YOU ARE SO FULL OF EMPTY WORDS....

Silence is golden

You won't convince anybody of inner truths
that they don't discover for themselves....

Don't try so hard.

seeya
R O B

[Humming]

:cool:

[nanouk]

excerpt from Mark(god i love this guy!)Morfords column today:

"SpongeBob, Evil Gay Heathen
How sad to be a right-wing Christian in a world full of homo cartoons and scary nipples"

"Did you read that story? About how Bishop Juan Antonio Martinez Camin, in Spain, announced that condoms are actually pretty good for, you know, controlling disease and inhibiting the spread of HIV? Miss that one? It's understandable. Went by pretty fast. In fact, the astounding stance lasted exactly 24 hours, just enough time for the Vatican to get a whiff of it and for the Vatican's Archbishop of Hateful Sexless Myopia to make a nasty phone call to Spain, promptly threatening the Spanish church with nothing short of castration and excommunication and genital warts."

Full Story (http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2005/01/26/notes012605.DTL)

[Humming]

Psilocybinaut, in response to your very interesting vision and ensuing confusion/dilemma:

"I love this planet, and I refuse to be responsible for it's death. I'd rather die in defiance of those who choose to defile the earth, rather than condone it by being passive. I've been really depressed since this vision (It was a few months ago, and I've actually considered suicide as a way to seperate myself from the Corporate destruction of that which gave me life.) Does anyone wiser than me have an experience like this? How am I supposed to integrate that experience into my life, and continue living, knowing that people like me are a godless cancer on this planet? Help?"

You need not do anything as drastic as killing yourself to relieve yourself from the horrors of the corporate world. In fact, it's much easier than that. What you can do (and I think this is what your spirit visitor was telling you) is reduce your reliance on the corporate lifestyle. Stop consuming needlessly. Evaluate your behaviors and your life and see what's in balance, and what's not.

When we eliminate the need for corporations in our lives, they will no longer have any power at all! This is the best way to act in "defiance" as you put it.

It's really that simple. You shouldn't feel remorse of being a white person, although you should feel responsible for the current state of affairs of the world: on the brink of apocalyptic destruction. Realize this responsibility as an honor and a duty, and take action to do what you can to affect the world and create it in the image which you think would be the most beneficial for everyone involved.

As Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world"!

It seems like you may be at a crossroads in your life. Use this time of reflection to create good, and do not wallow in regret or remorse for all the sadness and destruction in the world. Instead, choose to actively create good and help others do the same, and soon enough, the world will change.

[willoweyes]

Psilocybinaut: My heart goes out to you. I think most everyone here who reads your post can feel echos in their own thoughts. But the truth of the matter is, you have been blessed with a saving vision. "You know what to do," the Shaman told you.

You love the earth--the planet needs your love. Don't even think of leaving her in the hands of the Destroyers! There is a place for humanity--it is possible that our presence in the ecosystem can lead to more beauty, more vitality, more diversity. The human race has just taken a wrong turn somewhere. We as a culture worship the unliving (the machine) and build our economy on waste. We try to subvert the natural flow of creation. But this is surely a temporary aberration. Think about ways to spread beauty--you are a beautiful creature of the earth. Celebrate yourself!

A few hints from Willoweyes that have helped her keep hope in the face of this insane culture: Read Walt Whitman, Wendell Berry, Edward Abbey and others. Find the fighters and stick with them; reject the weary preachers of hopelessness. Do what you can in everyday life, while trying to avoid becoming a self-righteous prig. Avoid factory-farmed meat. Get rid of your car. Don't buy anything you don't absolutely need. Plant a seed, grow a garden. find some type of volunteer work that you feel will make a difference. You are articulate and honest--proselytize for your beliefs, and your vision.

Hang in there.

[silentwolf]

You don't necessarily have to get rid of your car, but there are a lot of plans out there for building a solar distillery that you can use to produce methanol with. You throw basically any type of vegetable waste into it, and as it ferments, the sun heats it up and transfers the alcohol to another container. Methanol will free you from the oil barons, and it burns a lot cleaner than fossil fuels.

[willoweyes]

No, you do not have to get rid of your car, and many can't. The system in america isn't set up to make a carless life easy. But wouldn't it be nice if you could? That would be freedom. It's not just the gasoline you have to buy--it's the parts, tires, insurance, taxes, --it's the global warming, it's the war in Iraq. I don't have a car, but I haven't given up riding in cars, or purchasing things that are trundled about in trucks. However, I recognize the car as the defining symbol of what is wrong with our world, and do believe that we are addicted to them to a dangerous extent. Don't you feel a twinge of panic when you think about life without your car? That's addiction.

[Charlie]

My plan is to buy a cheap, old, black-soot, environmentally-unfriendly diesel truck—and run the big pig on SVO. Straight Vegetable Oil. Hopefully this summer.

articles:
http://outside.away.com/outside/green_fuels/vegetable_oil.html
http://www.nols.edu/bus/bus_veggie.shtml

kits:
http://www.greasel.com/
http://www.greasecar.com/

more links:
http://www.vegburner.co.uk/links.html

[Humming]

I don't have a car, because the mass transit system in Boulder is quite excellent. They claim to be the best in the country even.

I've read about some free energy cells that operate using orogone energy. silentwolf, perhaps that'sa something you would be interested in? Look up "joe's fuel cell/engine" in conjunctionw ith orogone energy and you should find some interesting information.

[silentwolf]

I'm going to try and construct one of those and rig it up to a 2-cycle engine to see if it works. I won't be able to do it until April, after my shoulder heals from surgery, but I'll keep you all posted.

[squanky]

psilocybinaut - you know what to do. I am probably not much wiser than you, sorry, but i have read of stories of shamanic callings where people are dismembered or have their inards ripped out of their bodies, and then their bodies are rebuilt. From what i understand it is quite commenplace as far as shamanic callings go. When you said "I'd rather die in defiance of those who choose to defile the earth, rather than condone it by being passive" i do not think that you meant to kill yourself, as some of the replies made seem to "hint" at. Although if you feel this way, truly feel this way, then you are in a place of great strength. You can take your life and devote it fully to something you believe in, a path that has heart (as Don Juan put it), and pursue it fully, without attachment to your old routines. I suppose the next problem for you would be finding that path. I would suggest keeping your eyes open for anything that seems out of the ordinary, or any oppurtunity that may arrise that sparks your interest. The right solution will always present itself at the right time, whether you see it or not. My advice to you would be - see it. And be patient. And if the talking head was right, you know what to do. Maybe you have given up an oppurtunity in your past that you should have taken. Perhaps it is not to late to take it.

And where the hell did you find pure psilocybin?