ayahuascakhan
07-17-2008, 06:19 PM
The last time I posted on this forum was right before I left to Peru to have a spiritual journey. It's been almost 4 months since than and I have just now decided to post some of my journal logs. I also am working on several articles that will be completed shortly. I'm so happy to have friends on here that actually cared and wanted to hear about my experiences. I sort of took a leap of absence from the internet when I came back from Peru. In my journal logs I only write about my first 3-4 days and only 2-3 ceremonies. I will write about the rest of the trip later. Thanks suebee for caring.
My goal is to truthfully capture my soul and experiences in language on paper with ink. I want to desperately heal myself and my planet. May this journal be a testament to my character and give me deep insights into my core. It starts with the self…
Journal Logs
Today is 15 de Marzo en ano 2008. I am sitting in a humid hotel room in Iquitos, Peru after an already long journey. I departed New Jersey yesterday around 4 PM, and arrived in Miami for another 4 hour stop over after a 4 hour flight. The next stop was in Lima. When I arrived at 4:20 AM I gathered my luggage and found a cab outside. People in Peru are very tricky, especially with foreigners who do not speak Spanish as a Native tongue. The desk for hotel information attempted to get me a cab for 98 sols. Having somewhat researched Lima, I knew this was rather pricey. Luckily I found a nice man named Juan, whom took me to my friend’s hotel. As we drove through the humid weather Juan pointed out all of the districts to me; describing the socio-economic status of each area. I pulled up to this swank flashy hotel, where my friend Marcus had booked a reservation.
Leaving my cell phone back in Jersey seemed like a great idea so that I could escape the outside world. However, as I arrived in this luxurious hotel the concierge tried to tell me my friend was not here. Being so generous they offered me a room for 100 USD per night, which equates to 275 sols. Having limited funds I insisted they check their records again. What do you know, suddenly his name appeared on their computer. I called him with their phone and went up stairs to room 1002. We communicated via the internet prior to meeting and I knew what he looked like. He welcomed me and I told him I had to take a shower because I was “dying”. After my shower we headed downstairs for breakfast. They still weren’t serving breakfast for another half an hour, so we took a stroll outside conversing about our lives. Miraflores was a beautiful district and we could see the ocean from the hotel. Marcus and I returned and enjoyed an extravagant breakfast with: smoked salmon, freshly squeezed juices, fruits, omelette, and several other delacacies. After our breakfast we took a nap for a couple hours and got ready for our 3 PM flight to Iquitos.
On the cab ride over to the hotel “Markus”, our cab driver was a friendly man who kept re-iterating how beautiful the women wren in Peru; especially Iquitos. He was not lying! What drove me to Iquitos or rather the Amazon Rainforest was shamanism and ayahuasca. This sacred plant had some pre-requisites for letting her course through your body. Not to say you had to adhere or abide to all of these precautions; however, there were a few dozen. One of them was to abstain from any sexual pleasure. This has something to do with semen retention and potent healing. Anyways, there were temptations all around me. At the airport we checked in and had a nice meal. The flight from Lima to Iquitos was absolutely beautiful. At first all you could see were clouds and the radiating sun pulsating. The flight was approximately 2 hours and during the last 20-30 mins. the view was unbelievable. Looking outside one could see the Amazon river in its serpent form coiling alongside the jungle. Everyone on the plane were taking pictures and shooting footage, including myself.
Everything about Iquitos is very authentic, and boarding and exiting the plane we had to “old school” walk up a flight of steps directly on and off the plane. As we exited this man looked at me and I smiled and said hello. Having a thick Australian accent and having hiking gear, I assumed he was here for the jungle. It turns out that Quintin had been traveling from India to Brasil and Iquitos was his final destination. Originally this trip into the jungle was my group of three: Marcus E, Marco P, and myself. Marco could not come until Thursday morning, so I invited Quintin to go into the rainforest with us and drink ayahuasca; since Marco had paid for the entire trip and it would only make sense to get his money’s worth. I only asked Quintin because I felt a strong trust with him and he had been traveling without any plans; just going wherever the wind took him. We gathered our luggage and met Doris, who was Scott’s wife. Oh and one thing I should mention is Quintin has never heard or had any experience with ayahuasca. Marcus drank twice at the Santo Daime in Holland. I was a first timer as well, but had been researching aya for over a year now.
Doris and her younger brother, Junior welcomed us outside and took us to the Refugio Altiplano office in Iquitos. At the hotel in Lima where I first met Marcus I decided to check my email downstairs prior to leaving. My gut told me to check and see if Scott had emailed me because I mentioned to him our flight details; although he knew in advance. Indeed, I had received a message from him saying “it would be better if you came in the next morning as it would be convenient for me since another client is coming to the office at 6 AM.” He also said he could not personally come because he was busy with other clients. This took me by shock and Marcus and I were initially upset because we had traveled from afar expecting a ceremony that night. However, we quickly shook it off and just went with the flow. As I regress the cab ride with Junior who spoke amazing English and served as our translator for the night, entertained us with his story and what to expect during out stay.
Junior is going to be 20 years old in 5 days. This kind hearted soul shared with us everything he knew about Scott, Amazon, ayahuasca, and Iquitos. He personally participated in six ceremonies in the past. When we arrived at the office Doris was already there. I later learned from junior that his sister was married to Scott. There was some issues with money and they didn’t’ want to accept Quintin in replacement for Marco until Thursday. This being because there was no prior notification and mention to Scott about Marco arriving later on in the week. We finally settled it with Quintin paying for 3 nights and taking it from there; with the hopes of him being reimbursed later. Money is a very touch matter here as it is anywhere dealing with tourists, vacationing, and lodging. Thank God everything worked out. Junior found us a hotel for a “reasonable” price and we dropped our luggage off. On we commenced and found a local spot for dinner. I had melon juice with a “shipibo plate”. This consisted of Pacha, a type of fish, plantains, some fruit and arroz. Absolutely delicious. After our meal we ventured into Iquitos, and it’s about 8 PM by this time. After our meal we journey into the town’s center square. Here is a feeling of Iquitos at this time: everyone is outside with vendors, street performers, theater improve, comedians. The one thing that was the highlight of walking around was these four of five people banging on drums and two kids dancing in shaman clothes luring snakes. I had the opportunity to hold an anaconda. I’ve always had a fear of them, but I was here to face my fears. There were a hundred people surrounding them all entranced by this spectacle.
The four of us continued to this location on a peer where there were several vendors. Items ranged from flutes to Shipibo clothing. Oh and Iquitos is just like Pakistan in the sense that there are vendors and motorcars/rickshaws everywhere. This one woman kept on following us attempting to sell us clothes. Well she was successful.
Anyways, we saw this acting troupe putting on a street performance miming people on the street. There was these two boys who posed as statues and moved whenever someone gave them money. Everywhere we walked there was something to experience. The women are gorgeous, there is such an authentic and pure aire to them. Children are also roaming the streets playing. Old ladies and mothers are openly breast feeding their babies.
Even though Iquitos is not as expensive as Lima, it adds up! I have so much more I have left out, but I am tired now at the hotel where Quintin and Marcus have gone out for a drink. Tomorrow is the moment of truth. We are meeting Junior and Doris at the Refugio at 9 AM. From there we will go to the “official” market and purchase some supplies for our journey: rubber boots, flashlight, Mapacho-tobacco, and I went to get a few things before we depart for 7 nights in the Amazon River basin. Tomorrow at 8 PM we will have our first ayahuasca ceremony. Currently I believe there are four clients at the Refugio. Marcus, Quintin, Fernando-another man who booked into this hotel and will be going tomorrow morning with us, and we will be taking a speedboat up the river at 11 AM to meet with Scott and the others. Tomorrow shall be a long journey and I don’t know when I will have a chance to write inside y you again. Overall, so far has been a long trip already and it’s just the beginning. Since December 2006 when I first read an article in the National Geographic magazine about ayahuasca it has been calling me. I’ve picked up and will be meeting her tomorrow!
-15/3/08 11:30 PM
16/3/08. It’s the moment of truth now. I am sitting in my hut downstairs with Quintin and Marcus upstairs smoking a cigarette. For my first time ever I am about to engage in an ayahuasca ceremony in the rainforest. Sounds and smells of the jungle echoe the air I breathe. Today has once again already been a long journey in itself. It started with Quintin coming in at 6:30 AM in the hotel room. He was glowing as he had gotten laid after several months. It was a good start for him. We ate breakfast and met with the rest of the staff at the office. From there we ventured into the market place. It was swarming with vendors who sold animals, boots-rubber, medicine-plant extracts and potions. Everyone bought certain herbs and on we continued with our journey.
One of the highlights of today was the speed boat trip up the Amazon River. There really are no words for the beauty the surroundings exuded. We left Junior behind because he had to maintain the activities in the office. I already miss his beautiful warmth and assuring and confident voice. As we pulled up to the basin it had started mildly raining. Scott and 3 other clients were swimming in the river. They got out of the water and greeted us. After Scott showered he came to the main hut. Meanwhile, I had decided to drink some Sango de Grado- “blood of the dragon”. Now you are only supposed to ingest 8 drops of this powerful healing medicina. Not rationally thinking I chugged the bottle in taking 5 days wroth. Immediately I started vomiting. This would last for the next 2-3 hours until I purged everything I ate, including today’s meal and Sango de Grado. Scott playfully laughed and said I take the prize for purging the most out of anyone he has seen.
On we ventured as Scott showed us his compound which included six or seven huts lodging up to six of seven people each. He also showed us a pond and an irrigation system he built to give the locals and himself clean drinking water. One thing I will never forget is the tree house he showed us. It was several stories high and a tree peered right through the middle of this hut. An increase of clarity resonated inside me as I breathed in more oxygen. The view consisted of several miles of the jungle and rio. I was still purging at this point at random points/moments. After and during our meal I finished purging and enjoyed an amazing dialogue with Fernando, Quintin, Marcus, and myself. Oh and of course the man- Scott Petersen. The topics ranged from drinking at the Santo Daime to the balance between western medicine and holistic shamanistic medicina. I ate some fish with arroz. After our meal we all went to our hut and took a nap. My intentions are in place and I am more than eager for this amazing ceremony. I love Scott dearly not only because he has vast knowledge and experience in the field of psychotropics, psychology, rainforest; but, because he has a personality and strong opinions, in particular to the Santo Daime and the way they hold their ritual. At the same time since Marcus and Fernando both drank there- with different settings and experiences, he respected their choice and overall healing. Scott’s girlfriend, Doris is beautiful and one day I would like to meet a gorgeous and loving Peruvian woman like her.
17/3/08 Last nights ceremony was nothing like what I expected, but than again you should never have expectations. The guard came to announce “La ceremonia” and we gathered ourselves and made our way to the ceremony hut. Everyone had gathered around this large ceremony hut, having plenty of distance around each other. Maria was the first to drink and since I was the opposite end I drank last. Because this was my first time drinking Scott gave me half a dose, along with Quintin, Fernando, and Marcus.
After drinking this foul tasting brew I returned to my seat. For the first 2 hours I had great difficulty getting comfortable and sitting. I constantly was shifting my body trying to arrange myself in the most comfortable position. While shifting around I had my eyes closed the whole time, but I could hear Marcus purging violently. I was starting to get impatient and I remember Scott saying if at any time anyone would like more medicine to come up and ask for some. I decided to get up and walk over to Scott. As soon as I stood up and took two steps I felt the effects of ayahuasca in my body. As I walked I realized that it felt like Scott was miles away and that I should be patient and work with this dose. So I sat back down in an upright position breathing deep. All of a sudden as Ricardo started singing this one icaros I immediately started crying. I was crying for my mother because she takes on so much pain and suffering in her life. Than I cried and cried and felt energy coursing throughout my entire body tingling at my fingertips. Scott came over to me and held me and told me to lay down; taking deep and steady breaths. While taking deep breathes I felt my third eye widely open and than visions started flowing. I was not able to have full blown visions, but I could see vivid colors and patterns. Out of nowhere I felt my kundalini rise up my spine and as I kept breathing deeper and deeper I felt as if I was about to levitate. My entire body was paralyzed; I could not move. The ceremony had ended and my eyes where still closed. I was constantly aware of what was going on regardless of being in this state.
After Marcus, Quintin, and Fernando left with Scott I remained with Juan, Maria, and Ricardo, still laying down. In this state I kept on feeling a breeze/breath coming from somewhere else. Finally I could slowly start moving my body and I stood up and opened my eyes. Ricardo, the shaman walked by my and said, “Mariella” and I just smiled at him. Juan came over to me and asked my name. We looked deep into each other and he said, “I saw that God is with you.” I smiled feeling my third eye still, and than he said, “You already know this.” Without words I communicated that Yes! I did know. Scott had returned and we sat together for a few minutes talking. Than we all walked back together. Juan and Maria had given me huge hugs and I felt a strong connection with them. They wanted to walk me to my chateau because they still wanted to walk a bit. It was beautiful outside and I felt euphoria. This occurred all last night.
Today I woke up to a fresh plate of fruit and some herbal tea. We all got ready and headed down to the main hut for some breakfast. Scott and Fernando were already there conversing. After breakfast we all took a walk to this amazing botanical gardens where, where there were over 300 species of plants. We looked at ayahuasca, Noni-cures cancer, Una de gato, and several other plants. There really are no words to describe this wonder. It reminded me of a jungle open field where dinosaurs once roamed. We all drank some noni and it wasn’t that bad. Teddy had poured us each a shot. We continued to walk and it started raining so we took shelter on this 3rd floor of a house he had built for one of the members. All of us stayed here for an hour just talking about icaros, ayahausca, shamanism, plant medicine. It was really amazing.
On we ventured and Scott took us to his office hut that was being renovated, a few tree houses, a bridge, and than we walked back. Everyone decided to meet up for lunch after we have a swim. The swim was great, and I could not keep up with Scott and Quintin. I honestly was tired and a bit scared to go far. When I was younger I had a near death experience, almost drowning at my uncle’s pool in Florida. My brother jumped in and saved my life. Than we all departed, showered, and met up for lunch. Lunch was delicious. Fresh rice, fish, beans mmmmmm!
After lunch we went back to the hut and napped. 8:30 came around and I had been up setting my intentions. Marcus and Quintin were ready to “trip balls” and see some colors. I wanted to have an extremely profound and sacred journey. “La ceremonia” and on we went. Once again we were the first to arrive. Today Maria and Juan decided to skip the ceremonia because they were exhausted. A man named Jose, who was an ayahuascero practicing the icaros for 30 years joined us.
18/3/08
Tonight Fernando, Quintin, Marcus, and I decide to up our dose to ¾ of a cup, the same amount Ricardo drinks. We all sit patiently as Scott calls each of us to drink them medicina. I walk up to him and he blesses the drink before I down this potion, and return to my position. Within a few minutes, 30-45 minutes I start feeling the effects. I start having incredible visions with iridescent colors, patterns, and as soon as the icaros start I purge violently. I purged deep from within this very foul bile and mucus. From this moment on is when I start going to a realm, where I would remain for the next 7 hours. After my purging I could see amoebas, insects, animals, intense spirits and visions. Out of nowhere something drove me to stand up. I was not a 100% sure if I was in my body or not. Several spiritual entities were greeting me. I had begun to dance with many ancestral spirits, some I could see and others I could just feel their presence. I opened my eyes briefly and I knew I had been teleported into another realm, it seemed as if aliens had contacted me.
After that I met many animal spirits and danced and played with them. I had moved in such synchronous and graceful movements. I greeted or was greeted by the Eagle/Bird spirit, “Mariella”, in Spanish. This would continue for the next 30 minutes and it was the most Euphoric/intense/orgiastic/healing rhythmic experience I have ever encountered. These spirits were aware of me as well as I was of them. Than I sat down and “they”- aliens or spirits asked me if I wanted to know anything at all? I had no idea what to ask them, but than I asked how everything was created? My body started to automatically curl up and I could see darkness than pure light and a serpent moving through the jungle coming up to me and exchanging looks. I knew than that we all were co-creators of this universe. I can’t’ really explain it, but I started laughing loudly to know this. That’s when Scott came to me and said, “Asad, if you can’t remain quiet, than I have to bring you back to your hut, Do you understand?” Still having my eyes closed I acknowledged and accepted him. I sat down in the yogi position with my back leaning against some wood.
I felt great shame and knew I had disrespected others visions. This is when I had even more intense experiences. Words can’t describe how utterly I felt ashamed and than this was when I went into my psyche. I began being visited by my mother, brother, father, Quintin, Marcus, and faced them and had explored many emotions with them. Scott told me in my vision I had to stay here and could not return home to my mother. I wanted to leave and I knew she was in bad health and to accept she will die and to let her go now. I could not and this is when I felt as though Scott was going to kill me and I was going to die. I was so scared, but I accepted death and than I died, which is common when drinking ayahuasca. This process teaches you to not fear death, as it is apart of life and by not fearing death, you can live a happier life. After I died I started seeing dark visions and insects.
My body needed much healing, especially my left shoulder blade where I carry an emotional scar from childhood and other stress goes there. I began to have deep deep physical pain in my lower back and left shoulder. I knew I had to “let go and accept this pain.” This mantra kept repeating in my being as I remained in this stated for the next 3-5 hours. Ayahuasca was physically healing me and this pain was excruciating, like none other I have ever encountered. Everyone had left, but I remained in this state. Scott and Ricardo left as well, but Jose remained with me and continued to sing icaros for me for the next couple hours. My entire body was paralyzed and I can’t describe the pain and healing that had occurred. I took another hour to come back to this realm and I opened my eyes. I was very grateful to jose and he walked me home. It was raining. I gave him a huge hug. I learned discipline and respect on this journey. I knew I was protected, but had much healing to do. I am leaving out several things, which I could spend hours writing about. Overall, I had a full blown OBE and made contact and danced with many spirits.
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I will write about my other ceremonies and the rest of the trip later. I have a lot of footage and audio clips of icaros I will share as well. I plan on returning to Iquitos next July for the shamanic conference. I had the opportunity to meet and interview Alan Shoemaker who runs the conference. He was also an amazing man who showed me his compounds. The 2nd ceremony I talk about in my journal really was nothing like I have ever experienced. I know now what McKenna meant when being probed or visited by extraterrestrials. I have contacted them before during heavy psilocybin trips and acid trips, but never like this. Overall, ayahuasca healed me on many levels and has shown me that there is a lot of work to be done in the west. I don't need to go to Peru for this experience, but I wanted to feel the pulse of the jungle. It is alive inside me and I am ready to do a lot of healing here.
I want to start taking Qi Gong lessons in the city any recommendations? Sidetracked a little, but I will post more later. Peace and Light.
My goal is to truthfully capture my soul and experiences in language on paper with ink. I want to desperately heal myself and my planet. May this journal be a testament to my character and give me deep insights into my core. It starts with the self…
Journal Logs
Today is 15 de Marzo en ano 2008. I am sitting in a humid hotel room in Iquitos, Peru after an already long journey. I departed New Jersey yesterday around 4 PM, and arrived in Miami for another 4 hour stop over after a 4 hour flight. The next stop was in Lima. When I arrived at 4:20 AM I gathered my luggage and found a cab outside. People in Peru are very tricky, especially with foreigners who do not speak Spanish as a Native tongue. The desk for hotel information attempted to get me a cab for 98 sols. Having somewhat researched Lima, I knew this was rather pricey. Luckily I found a nice man named Juan, whom took me to my friend’s hotel. As we drove through the humid weather Juan pointed out all of the districts to me; describing the socio-economic status of each area. I pulled up to this swank flashy hotel, where my friend Marcus had booked a reservation.
Leaving my cell phone back in Jersey seemed like a great idea so that I could escape the outside world. However, as I arrived in this luxurious hotel the concierge tried to tell me my friend was not here. Being so generous they offered me a room for 100 USD per night, which equates to 275 sols. Having limited funds I insisted they check their records again. What do you know, suddenly his name appeared on their computer. I called him with their phone and went up stairs to room 1002. We communicated via the internet prior to meeting and I knew what he looked like. He welcomed me and I told him I had to take a shower because I was “dying”. After my shower we headed downstairs for breakfast. They still weren’t serving breakfast for another half an hour, so we took a stroll outside conversing about our lives. Miraflores was a beautiful district and we could see the ocean from the hotel. Marcus and I returned and enjoyed an extravagant breakfast with: smoked salmon, freshly squeezed juices, fruits, omelette, and several other delacacies. After our breakfast we took a nap for a couple hours and got ready for our 3 PM flight to Iquitos.
On the cab ride over to the hotel “Markus”, our cab driver was a friendly man who kept re-iterating how beautiful the women wren in Peru; especially Iquitos. He was not lying! What drove me to Iquitos or rather the Amazon Rainforest was shamanism and ayahuasca. This sacred plant had some pre-requisites for letting her course through your body. Not to say you had to adhere or abide to all of these precautions; however, there were a few dozen. One of them was to abstain from any sexual pleasure. This has something to do with semen retention and potent healing. Anyways, there were temptations all around me. At the airport we checked in and had a nice meal. The flight from Lima to Iquitos was absolutely beautiful. At first all you could see were clouds and the radiating sun pulsating. The flight was approximately 2 hours and during the last 20-30 mins. the view was unbelievable. Looking outside one could see the Amazon river in its serpent form coiling alongside the jungle. Everyone on the plane were taking pictures and shooting footage, including myself.
Everything about Iquitos is very authentic, and boarding and exiting the plane we had to “old school” walk up a flight of steps directly on and off the plane. As we exited this man looked at me and I smiled and said hello. Having a thick Australian accent and having hiking gear, I assumed he was here for the jungle. It turns out that Quintin had been traveling from India to Brasil and Iquitos was his final destination. Originally this trip into the jungle was my group of three: Marcus E, Marco P, and myself. Marco could not come until Thursday morning, so I invited Quintin to go into the rainforest with us and drink ayahuasca; since Marco had paid for the entire trip and it would only make sense to get his money’s worth. I only asked Quintin because I felt a strong trust with him and he had been traveling without any plans; just going wherever the wind took him. We gathered our luggage and met Doris, who was Scott’s wife. Oh and one thing I should mention is Quintin has never heard or had any experience with ayahuasca. Marcus drank twice at the Santo Daime in Holland. I was a first timer as well, but had been researching aya for over a year now.
Doris and her younger brother, Junior welcomed us outside and took us to the Refugio Altiplano office in Iquitos. At the hotel in Lima where I first met Marcus I decided to check my email downstairs prior to leaving. My gut told me to check and see if Scott had emailed me because I mentioned to him our flight details; although he knew in advance. Indeed, I had received a message from him saying “it would be better if you came in the next morning as it would be convenient for me since another client is coming to the office at 6 AM.” He also said he could not personally come because he was busy with other clients. This took me by shock and Marcus and I were initially upset because we had traveled from afar expecting a ceremony that night. However, we quickly shook it off and just went with the flow. As I regress the cab ride with Junior who spoke amazing English and served as our translator for the night, entertained us with his story and what to expect during out stay.
Junior is going to be 20 years old in 5 days. This kind hearted soul shared with us everything he knew about Scott, Amazon, ayahuasca, and Iquitos. He personally participated in six ceremonies in the past. When we arrived at the office Doris was already there. I later learned from junior that his sister was married to Scott. There was some issues with money and they didn’t’ want to accept Quintin in replacement for Marco until Thursday. This being because there was no prior notification and mention to Scott about Marco arriving later on in the week. We finally settled it with Quintin paying for 3 nights and taking it from there; with the hopes of him being reimbursed later. Money is a very touch matter here as it is anywhere dealing with tourists, vacationing, and lodging. Thank God everything worked out. Junior found us a hotel for a “reasonable” price and we dropped our luggage off. On we commenced and found a local spot for dinner. I had melon juice with a “shipibo plate”. This consisted of Pacha, a type of fish, plantains, some fruit and arroz. Absolutely delicious. After our meal we ventured into Iquitos, and it’s about 8 PM by this time. After our meal we journey into the town’s center square. Here is a feeling of Iquitos at this time: everyone is outside with vendors, street performers, theater improve, comedians. The one thing that was the highlight of walking around was these four of five people banging on drums and two kids dancing in shaman clothes luring snakes. I had the opportunity to hold an anaconda. I’ve always had a fear of them, but I was here to face my fears. There were a hundred people surrounding them all entranced by this spectacle.
The four of us continued to this location on a peer where there were several vendors. Items ranged from flutes to Shipibo clothing. Oh and Iquitos is just like Pakistan in the sense that there are vendors and motorcars/rickshaws everywhere. This one woman kept on following us attempting to sell us clothes. Well she was successful.
Anyways, we saw this acting troupe putting on a street performance miming people on the street. There was these two boys who posed as statues and moved whenever someone gave them money. Everywhere we walked there was something to experience. The women are gorgeous, there is such an authentic and pure aire to them. Children are also roaming the streets playing. Old ladies and mothers are openly breast feeding their babies.
Even though Iquitos is not as expensive as Lima, it adds up! I have so much more I have left out, but I am tired now at the hotel where Quintin and Marcus have gone out for a drink. Tomorrow is the moment of truth. We are meeting Junior and Doris at the Refugio at 9 AM. From there we will go to the “official” market and purchase some supplies for our journey: rubber boots, flashlight, Mapacho-tobacco, and I went to get a few things before we depart for 7 nights in the Amazon River basin. Tomorrow at 8 PM we will have our first ayahuasca ceremony. Currently I believe there are four clients at the Refugio. Marcus, Quintin, Fernando-another man who booked into this hotel and will be going tomorrow morning with us, and we will be taking a speedboat up the river at 11 AM to meet with Scott and the others. Tomorrow shall be a long journey and I don’t know when I will have a chance to write inside y you again. Overall, so far has been a long trip already and it’s just the beginning. Since December 2006 when I first read an article in the National Geographic magazine about ayahuasca it has been calling me. I’ve picked up and will be meeting her tomorrow!
-15/3/08 11:30 PM
16/3/08. It’s the moment of truth now. I am sitting in my hut downstairs with Quintin and Marcus upstairs smoking a cigarette. For my first time ever I am about to engage in an ayahuasca ceremony in the rainforest. Sounds and smells of the jungle echoe the air I breathe. Today has once again already been a long journey in itself. It started with Quintin coming in at 6:30 AM in the hotel room. He was glowing as he had gotten laid after several months. It was a good start for him. We ate breakfast and met with the rest of the staff at the office. From there we ventured into the market place. It was swarming with vendors who sold animals, boots-rubber, medicine-plant extracts and potions. Everyone bought certain herbs and on we continued with our journey.
One of the highlights of today was the speed boat trip up the Amazon River. There really are no words for the beauty the surroundings exuded. We left Junior behind because he had to maintain the activities in the office. I already miss his beautiful warmth and assuring and confident voice. As we pulled up to the basin it had started mildly raining. Scott and 3 other clients were swimming in the river. They got out of the water and greeted us. After Scott showered he came to the main hut. Meanwhile, I had decided to drink some Sango de Grado- “blood of the dragon”. Now you are only supposed to ingest 8 drops of this powerful healing medicina. Not rationally thinking I chugged the bottle in taking 5 days wroth. Immediately I started vomiting. This would last for the next 2-3 hours until I purged everything I ate, including today’s meal and Sango de Grado. Scott playfully laughed and said I take the prize for purging the most out of anyone he has seen.
On we ventured as Scott showed us his compound which included six or seven huts lodging up to six of seven people each. He also showed us a pond and an irrigation system he built to give the locals and himself clean drinking water. One thing I will never forget is the tree house he showed us. It was several stories high and a tree peered right through the middle of this hut. An increase of clarity resonated inside me as I breathed in more oxygen. The view consisted of several miles of the jungle and rio. I was still purging at this point at random points/moments. After and during our meal I finished purging and enjoyed an amazing dialogue with Fernando, Quintin, Marcus, and myself. Oh and of course the man- Scott Petersen. The topics ranged from drinking at the Santo Daime to the balance between western medicine and holistic shamanistic medicina. I ate some fish with arroz. After our meal we all went to our hut and took a nap. My intentions are in place and I am more than eager for this amazing ceremony. I love Scott dearly not only because he has vast knowledge and experience in the field of psychotropics, psychology, rainforest; but, because he has a personality and strong opinions, in particular to the Santo Daime and the way they hold their ritual. At the same time since Marcus and Fernando both drank there- with different settings and experiences, he respected their choice and overall healing. Scott’s girlfriend, Doris is beautiful and one day I would like to meet a gorgeous and loving Peruvian woman like her.
17/3/08 Last nights ceremony was nothing like what I expected, but than again you should never have expectations. The guard came to announce “La ceremonia” and we gathered ourselves and made our way to the ceremony hut. Everyone had gathered around this large ceremony hut, having plenty of distance around each other. Maria was the first to drink and since I was the opposite end I drank last. Because this was my first time drinking Scott gave me half a dose, along with Quintin, Fernando, and Marcus.
After drinking this foul tasting brew I returned to my seat. For the first 2 hours I had great difficulty getting comfortable and sitting. I constantly was shifting my body trying to arrange myself in the most comfortable position. While shifting around I had my eyes closed the whole time, but I could hear Marcus purging violently. I was starting to get impatient and I remember Scott saying if at any time anyone would like more medicine to come up and ask for some. I decided to get up and walk over to Scott. As soon as I stood up and took two steps I felt the effects of ayahuasca in my body. As I walked I realized that it felt like Scott was miles away and that I should be patient and work with this dose. So I sat back down in an upright position breathing deep. All of a sudden as Ricardo started singing this one icaros I immediately started crying. I was crying for my mother because she takes on so much pain and suffering in her life. Than I cried and cried and felt energy coursing throughout my entire body tingling at my fingertips. Scott came over to me and held me and told me to lay down; taking deep and steady breaths. While taking deep breathes I felt my third eye widely open and than visions started flowing. I was not able to have full blown visions, but I could see vivid colors and patterns. Out of nowhere I felt my kundalini rise up my spine and as I kept breathing deeper and deeper I felt as if I was about to levitate. My entire body was paralyzed; I could not move. The ceremony had ended and my eyes where still closed. I was constantly aware of what was going on regardless of being in this state.
After Marcus, Quintin, and Fernando left with Scott I remained with Juan, Maria, and Ricardo, still laying down. In this state I kept on feeling a breeze/breath coming from somewhere else. Finally I could slowly start moving my body and I stood up and opened my eyes. Ricardo, the shaman walked by my and said, “Mariella” and I just smiled at him. Juan came over to me and asked my name. We looked deep into each other and he said, “I saw that God is with you.” I smiled feeling my third eye still, and than he said, “You already know this.” Without words I communicated that Yes! I did know. Scott had returned and we sat together for a few minutes talking. Than we all walked back together. Juan and Maria had given me huge hugs and I felt a strong connection with them. They wanted to walk me to my chateau because they still wanted to walk a bit. It was beautiful outside and I felt euphoria. This occurred all last night.
Today I woke up to a fresh plate of fruit and some herbal tea. We all got ready and headed down to the main hut for some breakfast. Scott and Fernando were already there conversing. After breakfast we all took a walk to this amazing botanical gardens where, where there were over 300 species of plants. We looked at ayahuasca, Noni-cures cancer, Una de gato, and several other plants. There really are no words to describe this wonder. It reminded me of a jungle open field where dinosaurs once roamed. We all drank some noni and it wasn’t that bad. Teddy had poured us each a shot. We continued to walk and it started raining so we took shelter on this 3rd floor of a house he had built for one of the members. All of us stayed here for an hour just talking about icaros, ayahausca, shamanism, plant medicine. It was really amazing.
On we ventured and Scott took us to his office hut that was being renovated, a few tree houses, a bridge, and than we walked back. Everyone decided to meet up for lunch after we have a swim. The swim was great, and I could not keep up with Scott and Quintin. I honestly was tired and a bit scared to go far. When I was younger I had a near death experience, almost drowning at my uncle’s pool in Florida. My brother jumped in and saved my life. Than we all departed, showered, and met up for lunch. Lunch was delicious. Fresh rice, fish, beans mmmmmm!
After lunch we went back to the hut and napped. 8:30 came around and I had been up setting my intentions. Marcus and Quintin were ready to “trip balls” and see some colors. I wanted to have an extremely profound and sacred journey. “La ceremonia” and on we went. Once again we were the first to arrive. Today Maria and Juan decided to skip the ceremonia because they were exhausted. A man named Jose, who was an ayahuascero practicing the icaros for 30 years joined us.
18/3/08
Tonight Fernando, Quintin, Marcus, and I decide to up our dose to ¾ of a cup, the same amount Ricardo drinks. We all sit patiently as Scott calls each of us to drink them medicina. I walk up to him and he blesses the drink before I down this potion, and return to my position. Within a few minutes, 30-45 minutes I start feeling the effects. I start having incredible visions with iridescent colors, patterns, and as soon as the icaros start I purge violently. I purged deep from within this very foul bile and mucus. From this moment on is when I start going to a realm, where I would remain for the next 7 hours. After my purging I could see amoebas, insects, animals, intense spirits and visions. Out of nowhere something drove me to stand up. I was not a 100% sure if I was in my body or not. Several spiritual entities were greeting me. I had begun to dance with many ancestral spirits, some I could see and others I could just feel their presence. I opened my eyes briefly and I knew I had been teleported into another realm, it seemed as if aliens had contacted me.
After that I met many animal spirits and danced and played with them. I had moved in such synchronous and graceful movements. I greeted or was greeted by the Eagle/Bird spirit, “Mariella”, in Spanish. This would continue for the next 30 minutes and it was the most Euphoric/intense/orgiastic/healing rhythmic experience I have ever encountered. These spirits were aware of me as well as I was of them. Than I sat down and “they”- aliens or spirits asked me if I wanted to know anything at all? I had no idea what to ask them, but than I asked how everything was created? My body started to automatically curl up and I could see darkness than pure light and a serpent moving through the jungle coming up to me and exchanging looks. I knew than that we all were co-creators of this universe. I can’t’ really explain it, but I started laughing loudly to know this. That’s when Scott came to me and said, “Asad, if you can’t remain quiet, than I have to bring you back to your hut, Do you understand?” Still having my eyes closed I acknowledged and accepted him. I sat down in the yogi position with my back leaning against some wood.
I felt great shame and knew I had disrespected others visions. This is when I had even more intense experiences. Words can’t describe how utterly I felt ashamed and than this was when I went into my psyche. I began being visited by my mother, brother, father, Quintin, Marcus, and faced them and had explored many emotions with them. Scott told me in my vision I had to stay here and could not return home to my mother. I wanted to leave and I knew she was in bad health and to accept she will die and to let her go now. I could not and this is when I felt as though Scott was going to kill me and I was going to die. I was so scared, but I accepted death and than I died, which is common when drinking ayahuasca. This process teaches you to not fear death, as it is apart of life and by not fearing death, you can live a happier life. After I died I started seeing dark visions and insects.
My body needed much healing, especially my left shoulder blade where I carry an emotional scar from childhood and other stress goes there. I began to have deep deep physical pain in my lower back and left shoulder. I knew I had to “let go and accept this pain.” This mantra kept repeating in my being as I remained in this stated for the next 3-5 hours. Ayahuasca was physically healing me and this pain was excruciating, like none other I have ever encountered. Everyone had left, but I remained in this state. Scott and Ricardo left as well, but Jose remained with me and continued to sing icaros for me for the next couple hours. My entire body was paralyzed and I can’t describe the pain and healing that had occurred. I took another hour to come back to this realm and I opened my eyes. I was very grateful to jose and he walked me home. It was raining. I gave him a huge hug. I learned discipline and respect on this journey. I knew I was protected, but had much healing to do. I am leaving out several things, which I could spend hours writing about. Overall, I had a full blown OBE and made contact and danced with many spirits.
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I will write about my other ceremonies and the rest of the trip later. I have a lot of footage and audio clips of icaros I will share as well. I plan on returning to Iquitos next July for the shamanic conference. I had the opportunity to meet and interview Alan Shoemaker who runs the conference. He was also an amazing man who showed me his compounds. The 2nd ceremony I talk about in my journal really was nothing like I have ever experienced. I know now what McKenna meant when being probed or visited by extraterrestrials. I have contacted them before during heavy psilocybin trips and acid trips, but never like this. Overall, ayahuasca healed me on many levels and has shown me that there is a lot of work to be done in the west. I don't need to go to Peru for this experience, but I wanted to feel the pulse of the jungle. It is alive inside me and I am ready to do a lot of healing here.
I want to start taking Qi Gong lessons in the city any recommendations? Sidetracked a little, but I will post more later. Peace and Light.