The Light
07-16-2004, 07:23 AM
I think I found out the other day just what we're looking for when we take drugs.
The last month or so has been the time of three amazing experiences. The first experience was the most frightening and complex (ecstasy-acid); a week later a central message of the 1st experience was confirmed (a small dosage of mushroom); and just a few days ago that central message was confirmed again, with even deeper warmth (mild marijuana high. Good marijuana).
I start at the third occurance. Background: I've been walking these dogs for 4 years, about once a week. They're not my dogs. I used to live in this house, and while I did, I developed a friendship with the landlord's dogs. I walked them. When I moved out, I would continue to visit (the landlord even gave me a key). My work is flexible, so I would stop by in the middle of the day, run with them or take them to the cemetery. I didn't do it because they suffered: their owner is kind and giving. I did it because it made them happy. Often I would have liked to do something else. But I could hear them calling me, and I stopped by.
Their owner is getting married and leaving. I don't smoke often. That day, however, we sat down and smoked and had a great conversation. I told him I was looking forward to his wedding this weekend. I dropped him off at work (it was his lunch break).
I went farther into the city, and sat at a cafe. I got paranoid. The terror that cropped up in my first breakthrough trip was returning somewhat. Then it changed. The central message of these 3 trips returned, and started to unfold and unfold.
We go through the world looking for things that glow, that have light. We see things that shine brighter and pursue them. We grasp them and hold them. When they disappear we are left with darkness, and start to look again.
This is the illusion. Truly, no object we look for has any light at all. The Light we see is the Light that is coming out of Us, reflecting off Things and shooting back into ourselves. Some things reflect the Light more brightly, true, but the Light is Ours, it comes out of You, and we can't lose it, though Things pass away.
(I read recently that the Old Testament often equates sexual profligacy with idolatry. I didn't understand the connection. Now I do. In sexual ecstasy we touch the Light as we rarely can in the unenlightened world. It draws us so strongly, and we think this is how we can have the Light. This is our greatest error: we see the Light in the Thing but mistake the Source.)
The Light confirms the universal truth of Karma. All the love I gave in walking those dogs, asking nothing in return, it was given back to me in this Revelation through the Gnosis of the Plant and the thanks of the man whose dogs they were.
Later in the day I sat at a bar waiting for a friend, idly drawing on a napkin. I drew a Star of David with a circle around it. I drew small circles at the star's points. The next day I see a new crop circle has emerged with the same idea in its geometry. This is how it begins.
The last month or so has been the time of three amazing experiences. The first experience was the most frightening and complex (ecstasy-acid); a week later a central message of the 1st experience was confirmed (a small dosage of mushroom); and just a few days ago that central message was confirmed again, with even deeper warmth (mild marijuana high. Good marijuana).
I start at the third occurance. Background: I've been walking these dogs for 4 years, about once a week. They're not my dogs. I used to live in this house, and while I did, I developed a friendship with the landlord's dogs. I walked them. When I moved out, I would continue to visit (the landlord even gave me a key). My work is flexible, so I would stop by in the middle of the day, run with them or take them to the cemetery. I didn't do it because they suffered: their owner is kind and giving. I did it because it made them happy. Often I would have liked to do something else. But I could hear them calling me, and I stopped by.
Their owner is getting married and leaving. I don't smoke often. That day, however, we sat down and smoked and had a great conversation. I told him I was looking forward to his wedding this weekend. I dropped him off at work (it was his lunch break).
I went farther into the city, and sat at a cafe. I got paranoid. The terror that cropped up in my first breakthrough trip was returning somewhat. Then it changed. The central message of these 3 trips returned, and started to unfold and unfold.
We go through the world looking for things that glow, that have light. We see things that shine brighter and pursue them. We grasp them and hold them. When they disappear we are left with darkness, and start to look again.
This is the illusion. Truly, no object we look for has any light at all. The Light we see is the Light that is coming out of Us, reflecting off Things and shooting back into ourselves. Some things reflect the Light more brightly, true, but the Light is Ours, it comes out of You, and we can't lose it, though Things pass away.
(I read recently that the Old Testament often equates sexual profligacy with idolatry. I didn't understand the connection. Now I do. In sexual ecstasy we touch the Light as we rarely can in the unenlightened world. It draws us so strongly, and we think this is how we can have the Light. This is our greatest error: we see the Light in the Thing but mistake the Source.)
The Light confirms the universal truth of Karma. All the love I gave in walking those dogs, asking nothing in return, it was given back to me in this Revelation through the Gnosis of the Plant and the thanks of the man whose dogs they were.
Later in the day I sat at a bar waiting for a friend, idly drawing on a napkin. I drew a Star of David with a circle around it. I drew small circles at the star's points. The next day I see a new crop circle has emerged with the same idea in its geometry. This is how it begins.